Saturday, October 08, 2011 1:32 AM
Camp is over.
During the debrief, many happy tears were shed. The camp ended successfully and on a happy note.
For me, I'm glad the camp ended well. However, somehow, I wasn't able to feel the same happiness as the rest were feeling. Many praised that the camp was carried out very well. Perhaps I doubted that statement.
It's true, everything went about fine. I guess this camp was carried out much differently than I expected. It was more fun than serious. I guess I'm more of the serious type which is why I felt differently from others. I'm not saying that the camp sucked, but more of like... it came with its own set of cons.
Without being serious, I felt as if we were not able to think through things properly. Of course, more laughters and smiles were exchanged and it forged a bond between all of us. However, when it comes to work, these may have made us overlook some details. I'm unable to pinpoint it but I keep feeling that something was missing. What did we learn from this camp? None of it was said during the debrief. It was all self praising and also saying that we are all bonding well. It's true. The feeling of staying it slowly getting stronger. But putting that aside, are we able to produce synergy? Have they learnt to be more meticulous in doing things and have they learnt any values? Perhaps they did... just that it was not mentioned during the debrief.
I just hope that their happiness was genuine. (:
Personally, I realised something very important during this camp. From the moment I saw Orange cry from being touched by an IMH patient, I found my reason... my reason to stay in CSC. Why did I join CSC in the first place? Yes, I loved community service and wanted to organise a project to help animals. But if you think about that, I can do it even if I was not in CSC. Through this camp... I found something new I wanted to do. I wanted to inspire and impact people's lives. I want to do things to allow people to experience the same thing as Orange did. This is my new motivation.
When camp ended, I traveled home with Teddy and I was looking forward to this moment for a long time. We talked and I cried, which shocked me a bit. Haha. She asked me if I was feeling better and what my thoughts of the camp were. I told her my true feelings...
I told her I was very guilty. During the preparation period, I was feeling very unstable. I wanted to avoid going to school for CSC as much as possible. I even said some not-very-nice stuff to Anna. She was pushing me and asking me to go to school... yet I just brushed her aside. After the 2nd talk with Hwee Hoon a week before camp, in which she said to me that during the period of deciding if I should leave, I should still commit my all, I decided to do so. Only then I started getting back to CSC. "Just do it", was what I did. I told Teddy, "I will never know the outcome unless I just do it" And thus, I was able to give my all for the camp.
When I cried, Teddy held my hand and passed me a piece of tissue. She then gave me more advice to move on.
I love Teddy... as a friend and as a sister. When I reached home, I sent her a message:
"Hi teddy. (: Hehe once again I've got to thank you for talking to me today. It's always good to have you around! Although I hope to also catch up more on your side as well. (: Hope to see you soon after you exams! Though we may all gradually distance apart, but I will never forget that you will always be there for us and I'm very very grateful for that. You are like a big sister I never had and I can always rely on. (: Thank you for just being you. Good night!"
She replied:
"Your smile was a big gift when I arrived! I stayed wanting to hear from you, knowing that you're fine now is the greatest gift! Also, I don't hope we just remember each other but rather keep in touch till we aged. Goodnight. (:"
When I typed the message and read her message, I cried. This time, they were happy tears mixed with feelings of being touched and also a small bit of fear of the possibility of losing contact with her and will never get to feel this way ever again.
CSC AY10/11 are a bunch of people I will never wanna lose contact with. I really love them. I also believe that as long as we put in effort, we will definitely stay together till we age and maybe even beyond that! ;) Thus, to the me who may be reading this 10 years down the road... if you lost contact with anyone from AY10/11, grab your phone or whatever is invented already and organise an outing for AY10/11! Trust me, these are a bunch of friends/family members whom you should NEVER, EVER lose.
Thank you and goodnight. It will never be goodbye. (:
雀です。