Friday, July 20, 2007 9:08 PM
it just came!
i couldnt control!
i BROKE DOWN. in CLASS. during HIGHER CHINESE lesson. argh.
she said nasty things about me. treatened me. bring such a hypocrite. i was boiling mad and " went to the toilet " with charlene. it was in the middle of the lesson. and SHE had to go too. why must she always follow me to the toilet?! anyway, when i came back i lied on my table and stared outside the window. thoughts of all the nasty words flooded my mind. a tear dropped, then another. i covered myself and faced down onto the table, trying not to let anyone see my sickening tears. but more came down, it couldnt be controlled. it was terrible. i felt so horrible and down. it was as if the whole world has come to an end. i closed my eyes and prayed for God. hoping that he could help me. i waited and waited. suddenly, hu lao shi had to notice me. why?! was i really that obvious? i thought nobody would care about me. i really wished i was small then.
she asked if i was feeling alright. my face was covered with tears so i dare not look up. i shut my eyes tight and felt even worst. i sniffed even harder when she touched my neck. tears flowed down even more. i nearly died. well, at least i felt as if i was. the whole class was quiet and i could sense stares all around me. i wish i could have just disappeared. hu lao shi quickly went back to the class to stop the stares and i was reeeaaally grateful for that. my paper was drenched and i prayed even harder for God now. it was when the bell rung which he came. i rushed to the toilet after that and breathed deeply. thanks michelle and charlene for being there with me. and thanks charlene again and rachael and theresa for helping me say what was needed. i felt loved, having such great friends in such a class. it was the first time i felt the class was nice and warm.
it's all over now. all the nightmares, all the horrible thoughts. im back to the sunny days. rainy days are finally over. thank you lord, for helping this little life of mine. i could finally break out of the torture chamber, gaining all my strength back. i now stand strong and tall on my two feet, with my chest up and tummy in! life is full of wonders up ahead of me. at least i finally let it all out. but the timing wasnt really great. well i guess i have to sacrifice some things to get things in return. thank you my wonderful friends and thank God. <3
i love you, oh yes i do.
雀です。