Hey team hotness! :D Thanks for your concern. I actually posted on our thread but then sgc just happened to be down. -.-'' So in the end my whole post disappeared, I think. In any case, I shall just explain here again. (:

Basically, what seemed to be 'love' might not have been 'love' in the first place. Yes, we were calling each other 'dear' but it does not mean we truely love each other. After all, it was not a real relationship. We were just kissing each other through the computer screen. 'Muacks' was the most we could go.

He said he was happy during the time we were together. But at the same time, he also indicated that he was not in love with me. Being inexperience in love, I simply concluded my feelings towards him as true 'love'. However, now that I think about it, this 'love' might just be normal feelings towards a good friend. I believe, the reason why I 'can't get over him' is merely because I cherished our friendship, allowing myself to keep longing for the friendship back.

Thus, I shall conclude that my feelings towards him was merely friends. I'm really thankful for all the happy memories he has given me. I'm sorry for repeating myself but I'm really really happy to have met him. He went through my PSLE year together with me and my whole of sec 1 year. It's really nice to have him by my side, supporting me. I hope we can build up the friendship again and be close as best friends, and not lovers.

Thanks isaac, thank you so much.

Finally, I get to know the truth.

The harsh truth, the reality. Everything was a lie. Everything was virtual. Everything, was fake.

How stupid am I to have fallen so deeply in love with such a person? I thought he meant it. I thought it was at least a tiny bit real in the past. But it isn't. Nothing was real.

Although he didn't directly say it, it said it indirectly. He said it might all just been maple. Without maple, everything is empty. Like wow... You mean there wasn't really any feelings before? None, at all?

Nevertheless, I thank him for his honesty. Now that I know the truth, although it hurts, it somewhat stopped me for longing for that something that will never come. My heart shall no longer be waiting for him. This unhealthy wait for nothing... Is finally over.

He did say he did have fun though. (: Which really cheered me up. What matters was everyone was happy, right? SW: Thanks for the memories, I'm really glad you had nice memories of us too. I'm happy we can still be friends, I'll never forget you but I'll definitely get over you. You know what, I think I just did! XD

As we walk our separate paths, I wish you all the best. Loves.

Today is a weird day. Everyone seems to be sluts. XD

First, Olivia was called a slut. ._.'' I think it's supposed to be a joke but I think it went a tad too far.

Second, another classmate was called a prostitude. o.o'' But it's a joke again.

Third, I called myself a slut. ;x

Forth, jac called herself a slut. -.-

Okay the reason why both of us called ourselves sluts were because of our online 'ex'. XD I know it sounds dumb. I'm too lazy to write out the whole story here again so... We are slut buddies! Okay I'm getting lame, jyane!

There's always a place in my heart for you.

I'm feeling happy. (:

These few days, money has been flowing into my pocket.
1. Saving up much more as I've been skipping recess. (Not cos I'm dieting, cos of tests and such. Sometimes I'm simply not hungry too.)
2. I sold a whole set of my school uniform (pinafore, shorts and blouse) to seperate people. A GUY bought my pinafore and blouse for crossdress purposes and a girl bought my shorts. Funny thing is, when I sold them, I was feeling kinda sad since I've had them for quite awhile now. :\
3. Just sold one of my instocks today.

Excluding savings, I've gotten... $20 + $8.50 + $15 = $43.50. OMG? I never realised I've gotten so much money!! WHOO!! :D I love the internet. Thank you internet, for helping me generate so much extra pocket money. ^_^

Oh, I think I've not mentioned. Prom night theme MIGHT be masquerade. XD Depending on the decided theme, I shall decide which dress to get. If it turns out to be masquerade, I'll save up like mad and maybe loan some money from my bro (Yes, he has a whole envolope of moolahhhh) to get the whitexgold loli dress. :D If it's something else, I'll get a hime gyaru dress. Ohoh, if it's masquerade, I'll handmake my own venetian/masquerade mask!! ^_^v So excited~ I wanna make like the one Dango have in pet society. ;x I know, hilarious.

Okay, amath test is tmr and I've not studied. I'm feeling lazy again. -.- Hais. Nehmind, I shall just do my revision tmr. Hopefully I can scrap my way through to get an A1, which I doubt I would. After all, my luck would expire some day. x.x

Thank you, oh lord, for the money and love. (:

I'm having mixed feelings. I guess this is how a sec 4 would feel.

Well, for the past few weeks, I've been experiencing the 'last' of everything. Such as my last official Guides session in school and the last time I'm going to wear my Guide uniform... Plus the last time I'm gonna fall in and fall out with the company.

As I've said in my previous post, Guides has definitely became a part of my life. Soon, it would be camp... Which would mark the last destination of my Guiding life.

However, at the same time, as I step out of my Guiding life, I'm stepping into a new life. This is new life is my cosplay life. I've not planned any cosplay plans but I'm already making cosplay friends. It's really fun and exciting to go out with the people with same interests and a common goal as you.

Just yesterday, it was our 2nd outing. I managed to open up more. Together, we went to our first cosplay event as a whole. Sadly, dK was sick and we didn't have the fate to bump into Ruru-chan. Terry went for his concert too (he joined us earlier to check out the flea market and arts friend). Nevetheless, we witnessed the competition together and I believe we learned a lot of new things.

I learned that I really have to be DARING if I wanna cosplay. I have to step out of my comfort zone to show my full potential. Our photoshoot is coming up and the theme is ghost. I really have to work on my expressions and stuff. Confidence is the key, I believe. (:

Anyways, 旧的不去，新的不来。No matter how much I don't wanna let go, it would go after all. I would just have to accept the fact and hold on tight to those memories I cherish so much. Also, I would have to welcome the new and anticipate change (LOL, SS. XD).

Memories, experiences, love.

Yesterday was the last official guides session for the blue badges.

The feeling is weird. Probably cos I thought next week was the last session. Next week there's still enrolment but it'll be at pasir ris and it's not the same... I mean we don't get to hang out in sec 1 classrooms anymore.

It's kinda depressing. I'll miss the company that I have. Especially Nerice Aw. For 4 years we've been hanging out during CCA time together. It's amazing how we were not in the same class before but remained as good friends for such a long time by just hanging out once a week. She's the only friend I've ever done that with.

Yesterday, I was hanging out with Nerice Aw like any other Guides session. Then she wanted to bring something to show me [oops I forgot what it was ;x]...

Nerice: "Next- Oh, next week onwards no more Guides session".

:\ She wanted to bring the thing to show me during out "next" Guides session. And it's so sad that I didn't get to wear my Guide uniform for the last Guides session! Argh, I forgot to bring the 2 most important badges. -.-

Hais... I'll really really miss all my fellow sister Guides. It's a special feeling of being in the same CCA. In Guides, we work as a whole. Although we are split into 2 companies and several patrols, it doesn't seem to seperate us in any way. We still get along with each other very well. Time passes really fast... It feels just like yesterday I was still in sec 1 on the way to Thinking Day celebrations on the bus.

Nerice Aw! I dunno if you'll see this but pls pls pls don't lose contact with me kay! You're the MOST amazing friend I've ever had. Lol, please don't puke. XD We must still have our Friends marathon plus Jennifer Aniston movies marathon together! :D Hehe, perhaps we can still work on our Friends group. XD Add me on facebook and go online more when we graduate kay! Maybe we can still stayback on fridays to eat our weekly Orange bowl. Haha, I'm still quite satisfied with the $1.60 Orange bowl I had yesterday. ;x

Anyway, I still can't help to say that you're the best friend I've ever EVER had. >.< I mean it's quite funny how our family is kinda similar and stuff. I hope somehow we can find another kind of activity or something we can do weekly together, just like when we do during Guides. (: Hold your puke in cos I'm gonna say this: I love you Nerice Aw! (:

XD! Okay anyway. I'm still aiming to get my Gold. The only problem is getting the homemakers part done. Carol said that she'll try asking the Guiders to test us. Hmm, speaking about Carol, I really wanna thank Guides for giving me the chance to go to Japan. It's really... I dunno. I really enjoyed it. Especially with only the 3 of us (carol and sarah). I really wanna thank the both of them as well cos they didn't leave me out despite the both of them being best friends. :D Thank you! You made the trip very memorable! ^_^

Guides turned me into a better person, I believe. I look back at the time when I was sec 1 and I really think I was a bitch back then. Guides has really shaped my character in a good way. I think if I went on with table tennis, I may not be what I am today. Whatever it is, I'm happy with how I turned out to be and I have no regrets staying on in Guides. If I didn't, I would not have such great friends. I love you blue badges! x)

I think I should end here. 3.5years is really short but memorable. (: For my juniors, keep the Guiding light going and keep striving for our next double gold! :D

This little Guiding light of mine...

I've been wasting too much time recently. It seems like my drive is gone. I think I need to get off my computer for awhile I really get back to the study mood all over again. I'm gonna try that from tomorrow onwards. Now I shall try to STOP surfing the net and start studying egeog. zzz.

Irritated. Stressed. Pissed. Dying.

Oh god, why are you playing with me like that?!

Okay first, you made the 4-D number come out the other way round. And now, you made the real number come out. To make it worst, I didn't buy them. To make it EVEN worst, I WANTED to because my menses came (hong yun dang tou) but my mum said "If it's not yours, you will never have it". ._.'' Furthermore, we were eating at the coffeeshop right in front of it. * sobs *

My money... My hime gyaru dress... $$$~

I think I will switch to hime gyaru for prom night. XD It's more affordable and not as elaborate as lolita.

http://nothingbutjapan.blogspot.com/2009/05/hime-style.html

Check it out. :D I'm already eyeing on a few dresses but I can't decide which to get. It's like half the amount for the lolita I was eyeing on. Although I still love the lolita, I think this is a better alternative. ^_^ Furthermore, I can DIY the ribbon if I'm wearing it. Youtube is love. ;)

Hime gyaru! Bring the princesses to the ball! Take Juliet, invite Romeo!

* crapping *

Ahhh I almost struck 4-D! x(

Today I was telling my parents about Olivia letting her dog pick 4 numbers for 4-D cos they are of the same zodiac and they won! So we decided to do the same with Yuki since she has the same zodiac as me! :D

We went home and got ready. Yuki picked these 4 numbers: 7004. Nice number right? XD So we immediately went to buy the tix. And just a moment ago, we checked the numbers which are out and guess what the number that came out was? 4007 in consolation prize! I was like WTH?!! I should have known! Since Yuki always turns round and round she must be telling us it's the other way round!! Furthermore, my mum thought of buying that number when she left the place but decided not to since my father was waiting for her already.

T.T So sad lahh. If not I could have gotten my $120 prom dress le. Hais, nvm! Yuki is still my lucky star! It's already damn lucky to get all 4 numbers and in sequence! Good job Yuki! Love you! :D I shall try again when it's my birthday and on Yuki's birthday. ^_^

Money money money. $.$

I'm really excited now!!

I have TWO cosplay friends who are planning to go to temasek poly! Plus, they are of the same age as me so we will enroll into temasek at the same time!! Whee!! AND AND there's one which is planning to go to the SAME course as me! We have like so many things in common! Cosplay, animal lovers, NINJADO! LOL.

3 of us will be like the best of friends in poly! Of cos, I won't wanna forget and neglect Ms Nerice Aw when we go to different paths and also jac and jessica. But but, I can't help to look forward to it! Bwahahahahas! I'm loving temasek poly already! :D

5 more months till the suffering ends! Time to start studying Ms Ang Wan Yee!

Suzuki Suzume 鈴木・雀
160793
CHIJ St. Nicholas Girls' School
Temasek Polytechnic
Applied Science School - Veterinary Technology

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x Jessica

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