Monday, March 22, 2010 10:36 PM
My drive to dance is finally back. :D
There are 2 dances I wanna finish learning:
-Miku Miku Ni Shite Ageru
-Love & Joy
Love & Joy is easier IMO but I'm gonna learn Miku Miku Ni Shite Ageru first. ^_^
I'm thinking... If I learn it well enough and execute the moves well enough... Should I put them up on youtube? I wanna know where to improve. It's kinda hard to spot your own mistakes. I understand how nasty people can be on youtube but well... It will teach me what the 'real' world is anyway right? ;x
Hahaha. While researching on the dances, I found some awesome dancers on youtube!! They are so freakin cool! They are at a level that I may not ever reach. T.T They are my role models and I shall work towards being as good as them! HAHA. At least a goal would make me wanna do better right...? XD
Hurrhurr. After watching Miku Miku Ni Shite Ageru dance for so long I feel like cosing Miku just to dance it. ): BUT NO! I'm gonna save my moolah. :D Miku's wig is too long so it'll cost a BOMB.
Heehee. TMR'S OUTING WITH JAC AND JES FOR FREE CONE DAYYYYY!!! I'M SO LOOKING FORWARD TO IT. WHAT SHOULD I WEAR??? WHAT HAIRSTYLE??? MAKE UP OR NOT??? LOL. I sound like I'm going on a date. XDDDDD
Oh and I just finished watching Sola. Rei introduced me the anime like donkey years ago but I only watched the 1st ep. ;x Oops. But it's a nice anime. (: It's like tragic yet sweet...? Haha I dunno, you guys should go watch it. It's only 13 eps and 2 OVAs. Nyahaha. I like Matsuri. ^^'' No, I'm not a lesbian.
MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKU!
雀です。
Thursday, March 18, 2010 8:49 PM
Class dinner was nice. (:
It was great meeting up with the Gay Jays again. XD Hahaha. It was a teeny bit nostalgic. I really appreciate the dinner cos we've not been classmates for close to 6mths! :o We must have an outing every holiday!! ^_^
I really hoped that more people went though. It would be great if the whole class can go out some day. ): But chances are slim... It's kinda sad, cos we used to see each other almost everyday and now we can only see each other every few months. T.T I miss 4 Justice!!
I can even see myself when I'm 60 years old (if I live till then), opening the photo album I should start doing, looking at 4 Justice when we were young and feeling oh-so-nostalgic. Hahaha. Is nostalgic a sign of growing? Cos when you're young everything you experience is new so you can't exactly feel nostalgic about anything. XD
I love chilling out at the cool forum-like place. It's a nice place to hang out. It's big, so that we crazy girls can run about, throw shoes at each other and camwhore like crazy. Hurrhurr.
Four Jay 09', we must stay in touch kay! Like I said, every holiday one outing!! After JC then maybe like... every 6mths??? I think some of us might be going overseas for studies so we can have like mass chat on MSN/skype!! HAHA. And then and then when we graduate/start getting married, we can visit each other during CNY!! Like gathering at someone's place? And for x'mas too! HAHA I'M SO CRAZY. BUT I DON'T CARE, I DON'T WANNA LOSE YOU GUYS!! LOVE LOVE <3333 .
Promise kays? I hope facebook won't crash any day cos it's such a good medium for us to stay together and organise outings. Facebook wan sui!! :D Haha, everyone must do their part ya? If no one organise, TAKE THE INITIATIVE TO. I WILL TO SO YOU GUYS HAVE TOO KAY??? XDXD
Hehe okies. Jiayous for JC people. (: For Hiu Min and JH (?), let's jiayou for poly too! (Not like they will read my blog, but whatever.) ^_^!!!
Outing next tues with JAC!! YAY MY DARLING!! HAHA.
Love you Jay 09'.
雀です。
Tuesday, March 16, 2010 12:57 PM
A thought just came past my mind. Hmm...
I don't know if any of you realise, but sitting on the fence isn't as easy as you think. Many people always side their friends and fail to see things from a 3rd person POV, while will result in an unfair statement. Well, you can say that it's natural to side your friend but your friend isn't always right.
To me, by siding your friend who may be wrong in some areas, you are actually harming them. They will fail to realise that they are wrong and would never correct their mistakes. Am I even making sense? Oh and this is also another issue of assumption. One usually gets a one-sided story from their friend. An issue should not be judged based on a one-sided story and plus, you are not even involved in the issue. How do you know what exactly happened? It's unfair to decide who to side from one source. See, now it sounds like social studies. =33=
Hais... When you are blinded by friendship, you won't be able to see things fairly. When something happens, you can openly say that that person is blah blah blah. But when the same thing happens to your friend, you can't see that it's actually the same thing and thus, you become biased.
Hohoho I think none of you can understand me. XD I'm like writing a bunch of words that just come to my mind. :D
Be fair.
雀です。
Monday, March 15, 2010 5:17 PM
Hi earthlings.
I've decided to finally have a proper post on last saturday. HAHA.
It was a crazy day. ~_~
I woke up late cos I was waiting for JP and fel to reply me (what an excuse~) to cfm on our appointments. It was closing to 9am so I sent them another sms and they finally replied. Hey, I had a bad experience of traveling 40mins somewhere, waited 30mins and my friend didn't show up and 40mins back. ._.''
Kay so I woke up and quickly did my make up which obviously did not want to cooperate with me. I still have not mastered how to put my fake lashes nicely so I gave up on it and I kept smudging my make up so I had to re-do the SAME parts like 3 times. I was so pissed I accidentally rubbed off more than half of my white eyeliner pencil. D: Wasted so much. T.T I searched high and low for my socks which were actually under a pile of crap and my boots were not laced up.
I actually left the house with my converse shoes first when fel smsed me that she'll be late and I realised that I can only reach Novena MRT, the place she was supposed to pass me my goods, at 11am +. Her dance lesson starts at 10.45am so we decided to reschedule. I told her to sms me when her dance lesson end so that we can meet. Thus, I went back into my house and changed into my socks and boots before leaving again for Chinese Garden.
On my way there, fel smsed me that in 1hr 15min her lesson would end. It takes me like 45mins to go to Chinese Garden so I told her I can't meet her. I apologised like a thousand times. I wanted to call her and apologise but she was having her dance lesson so I just spammed 'sorry's in my sms. ): Sorry fel! I told her I can go to her house personally but she told me to just meet her the next day. (:
I reached Chinese Garden half an hour later than I thought I would. Sorry JP! ): It was 12pm so it wasn't exactly the best time for a shoot. We walked around, tried some shoots and stuff. I couldn't get myself to loosen up and smile naturally. If you see my photos later, you can see that I couldn't get the expression right. Especially the first few. I think I'll put them up on facebook once I transfer them over from my mum's com (JP sent it to me when I was on MSN on my mum's com). For now, I'll just post some edited ones that JP took from another cam.
Anyway the shoot was a nice experience. :D It was fun! Thanks JP for inviting me and thanks for the very expensive $1.60 can drink! XD These few weekends I'm kinda busy so I think our next shoot should be in April. Sorry! ):
After the shoot, I was super sweaty (AND STINKY! D:). x.x'' Took the train to AMK to meet Jes. :D She got too engrossed with her hmk (so guai right! :D) so she was late haha! I ate macs while waiting for her and when she arrived, we went hunting for her sports shoes and goggles! We tried a shop in AMK hub first (omg I forgot what the shop name is) but couldn't find one which attracted Jes. ): We proceeded to a cheaper shop at AMK central (? LOL) and after a loooooong time of searching, Jes finally decided to look at shoes of men cutting cos whenever she finds a nice one, they don't have her size. :\ Jes is tall so she obviously need bigger feet to balance herself. XD
Jes bought a super cool, super unique, BRIGHT orange shoe!! I was damn nice can! I bet none of you have such shoes. Bleh~ :P Hahaha. Jes bought her black goggles too! In total she spent a bit over $100. Not bad for sports shoes and goggles. (: Now I'm so tempted to buy a full sports attire so that I can work out at TP's gym. :DD
Hehe, we went to This Fashion after that! I tried quite a lot of clothing and bought 3 pieces in the end. They were $39 in total so average of $13 per piece. Not bad la. (: I'm just wondering if I'll wear those. Oops! XD Hahaha. Jes didn't get any. I'm not surprised though cos her taste isn't those type. (: I'm a cheapo girl with cheapo taste (ok not really cos jap sub cultural clothing are all very ex. -.-). Hurrhurr.
We went home after that cos it was already closing to 6pm! :o Overall, I had a very fun day!! :D I'll post more about my recent happenings another time. Maybe later. (: Too much in one post is too boring (actually this post is too boring ALREADY.) Hahaha now I know why so little people read my blog. XD!
Nyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan.
雀です。
Thursday, March 11, 2010 2:39 PM
I was watching the vids by lisa on youtube about The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. I'll put the links here so you guys can go watch it on youtube (my blog is too tiny to watch a vid nicely).
Like lisa says in the 1st vid, just because the book says so, doesn't mean you have to agree to everything. There is no absolute right or wrong. Take what you think it right TO YOU. My opinions may differ from yours.
1. Gossips. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BxyP6YW42yg
Words are powerful. Why do you want to waste your energy on negativity? Even if you dislike someone, the more you shouldn't waste your energy on him/her when you can use that energy on positivity. Do you honestly gain satisfaction when the person being gossiped at gets hurt? Do you want to use the method of gossiping to gain people to your side? Is this how you want to live your life? Stop gossiping. Treat others the way you want others to treat you. This is my way of living. I'm sure any of you have been gossiped about at least once in life. Do you like how it felt? To be wronged about something you clearly did not do? To have your secret leaked out? Oh and I would also want to add something. Aplogising. Throw away your damn pathetic pride and apologise for your mistake. A friend is better than having an enemy.
2. Insecure. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZKLFnrqERgc
Don't take anything personally...? That's what the book says but like lisa asks, is it POSSIBLE not to take things personally? What I like in this vid is that it tells us that what others say about you is based on their opinion, their own criteria. Thus, it doesn't mean one tiny person says that you are this and that, that you are this and that. However, I want to add in that there IS a reason why the person says that. Something you did must have triggered that person to say such a thing. Unless it's a drunk stranger on the street who calls you stupid. As much as you shouldn't take things too personally, you should also think of the reason that person, who may be your friend, has said such a thing. What have you done? Did you make a mistake somewhere? Or is your friend trying to just piss you off? Whether positive or negative comments, don't let it get too over you.
Next point is when you accept what people say. Many a times people are not talking about you, yet you think they are. When this happens, it means that deep inside you accept it. It is purely due to your insecurity that makes it affect your life, your emotions. Lisa talks about making a 'force field' around you to block all the comments away. However, I feel that constructive comments should be welcomed. Like I said in one of my previous post, comments like "you're stupid", "you're a fucktard", should be blocked away. Welcome constructive comments to improve yourself.
3. Stop assuming. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sPGkw9O3t1E
Let me write out a true life example. It was the day I wanted to get my medical form done for poly registration. I went to take my passport photo first. My dad went off to look for the clinic. When I exited from the photo shop, a mum and a daughter asked me for directions. They asked for the exact block the clinic was at. At that moment, I haven't called my dad yet so I didn't know. So I told them I didn't know where it was. I actually paused for awhile cos I was thinking if I should tell them that I was looking for it too. But I didn't see a need to so I just told them I didn't know where. When they walked off, I called my dad and by the time he told me where it was, I couldn't see them anymore. When I reached there, they were there already. When the mum saw me, she gave me the look as if I purposely didn't want to tell her. I can't exactly blame her cos under such circumstances, many people are prone to assuming. I even tried smiling at her but she gave me the "fuck off, stupid bitch who didn't want to give me directions" look. Ah wells, it might be the only time seeing her so I didn't care anymore.
What I'm trying to say is that, don't assume. What you assume may not be the truth. Many people assume the worst. By assuming, you're not only putting the relationship you have with the person at risk, you're harming yourself. [Side note: no matter how small the encounter is, a bond/relationship would always be formed and influence your life.] What I mean by harming yourself is that once you assume, your emotions would be influenced by your assumption, which would then influence your actions and the people around you.
Sometimes things don't come to you directly. Thus, be bold and brave to ask. Be clear in your stand (which I have to work on) and don't say things which would lead to a deeper misunderstanding.
Yep. The forth vid isn't out yet but it should be out by tomorrow so those who are interested, just go follow lisa. I think I still have more to say but I can't think of them now. Haha.
Anyway, I know most of you must be thinking "She's talking bullshit. If she knew all those, would THAT drama have taken place?" Here's something I've not said before. I actually had a feeling it was gonna happen already. It doesn't help that we were suddenly very involved in the same things. The more time we spend together, the more friction there was. Plus, the reason why I didn't bother to clear up the misunderstanding was that, as childish as it may sound, I didn't want the friendship anymore. You can say that I was making use of the incident to break off the friendship. Shocked? I bet you are. But hey, I honestly did cherish the friendship BEFORE. I was just sick and tired with the fact that I couldn't be myself in front of her. Always being afraid that something I say may piss her off. To me, that's not a friendship. Although, yes, a friend is better than an enemy, I was simply too tired to keep up with the friendship.
Oh and here's a change of attitude: It's impossible to become strangers with her. The moment we crossed paths with each other, was the moment the unbreakable bond was formed. Although I have ceased to recognise the bond, the influence it had on my life is inevitable.
"Nothing is coincidental, only inevitable" - Yuuko from Tsubasa Chronicle/xxxHolic
Remember, what you think may not be what I think. The line between right and wrong is blurred. Feel free to say your point of view in my tagboard though.
Happiness.
雀です。
Thursday, March 04, 2010 11:51 PM
I'm afraid. Afraid that my dad might be in mid-life crisis depression, afraid that me and him may not talk without hatred anymore. Maybe all will be well when I wake up tmr. Cos seriously, that's how my family works. We don't get angry with each other for long. Just that this time I think it'll take a little longer.
I had a heart to heart talk with my mum. I cried my heart out even though it was over MSN. I was really pissed with my dad, for wrecking my already messy room and forcing me to clean it up after he wrecked it. I might have been injured, I might have died. He used a hanger and slammed continuously on my table. Swept things off my table. Bobbi pins showered over me and if he slammed further, the tailoring shears (if that's what it's called. the big heavy scissors used to cut cloth) might have stabbed me.
I told my mum I was sorry that I would leave the house the moment I'm financially independent. I told her that I won't listen to my dad cos saying and doing things are two different things. He shouted at me, telling me to do this and do that, all to his bidding. Yes, it comes from goodwill but that's not how to do it. Plus, you can't force people into doing things. One last point, I don't have much respect for him. I respect him as my father but I won't respect the things he 'advices' me to do. E.g. Telling me to study hard while he isn't even trying hard enough to find a job.
I can't really rmb what he was shouting about cos I wasn't listening to him. Anyway, I know I sleep too much, I don't need him to tell me that. He's just telling me things I already know. But hey, at least I spend the time I'm awake sewing stuff which I can sell and checking up the web for preorders I can hold. Sure, thanks for doing the housework but housework can easily be split up among the family. You can still go out to work.
Oh, btw, he was slamming on my table cos I refused to go to lunch with him. I mean, who would wanna go with such a dangerous man? I told him I would settle lunch myself but he still forced me to. To protect myself from being murdered, I gave in. While I was changing, he went downstairs already. And just when I was about to go out, he called home and in a very irritated tone, he said, "What's going on?!" Like as if I wanted to stay at home and refuse to go out. Wtf. But actually I was secretly planning to run away to my grandma's house but he was staring at the stairwell so I had no place to escape.
Okay so I was really pissed and even broke down after he made that call before going down. When we got home, I closed my door and without respecting my privacy, he would just open the door and order me to clean my room. Seriously, ever heard of knocking? Ever know why I would close the door? So after he barged into my room 2-3 times, I locked it. He attempted to knock the door in a manner like he wanted to murder me but I refused to give in so he gave up after a few knocks.
Everything cooled down when my mum came home from work. My dad doesn't dare to do anything to us when my mum is around. Most probably cos he thinks that he 'owe's my mum as she is the only one bringing income to the family. You see, what kind of able-bodied man leeches off their wife and beats his children up? Okay not exactly beat us up but torture us mentally. He thinks that shouting and being violent would make us do his bidding. But it's actually cos we don't want to get ourselves killed.
Now the main point. I myself cooled down after my mum told me over MSN (which was during the period I hid in my room) that my dad might be suffering from mid-life crisis depression or some sort. Which is why my mum isn't pushing my dad so hard to get a job. Well, if he really has depression, he should go to a psychiatrist... Just throw the manly pride and go get yourself cured. I don't exactly blame him for getting depression... I have to admit, I can talk to my mum better than I can talk to my dad. Actually I can't even communicate with him properly. He only has 1 close friend who is often overseas. He stays at home most of the time. It's no wonder he gets depression. He has no one to confide to. He has nothing to occupy his mind other than housework. He is... lonely.
Yes, I feel guilty for not doing my part of a daughter in giving him family warmth. I still talk and laugh with him, my family still play games like monopoly together, but there's that closeness missing. We aren't as close as what daughter and father should be. But hey, he isn't doing things which can make things better. Screaming, shouting, being violent won't let me open up more to him.
What should I do? Don't tell me to send him to the psychiatrist cos I'm already suggesting that to my mum. I just feel lost and helpless. All I can do is cry and self-comfort myself in my misery.
Lol, looking on the bright side, things really aren't that BAD. Just that I had to let it off my mind so I kinda exaggerated a little. Esp the killing parts. ^^''
If you read till here, kudos to you for reading the whole chunk of crap. If you wanna advice me sth, I advice you to think twice first cos 1) You don't know my family, 2) Family issues are sensitive to me.
May all be well when I open my eyes in hours to come.
雀です。
Tuesday, March 02, 2010 1:45 AM
2am in the morning, watching youtube vids of St. Nicks.
I started watching the Mrs. Cheong farewell vid, when everyone was singing the IJ song together. I can still remember how I felt. I felt the warmth, I wanted to cry. As I watched the vid, nostalgia came rushing back to me. I wanted to cry.
I have to admit, I've been surpressing the feelings of missing St. Nicks for a long time now. Finally, all the memories are back flooding in my small pathetic brain. 10 long years worth of memory. I can still rmb the 1st day of school for both Pri 1 and Sec 1. As much as I'm excited to go to TP, I still can't help but wish I'm still in St. Nicks.
I miss Guides the most. It's one of the most significant moments of my life. Esp Nerice Aw, silly girl whom I've known since Sec 1. I'm really afraid we will lose contact in years to come. Even now, we haven't been chatting regularly on MSN. ): Nerice Aw, talk to me when you're free kay! Let's go out during your June hols!! :D
I need to go back to St. Nicks badly. Just to visit and see my little juniors working their butts off for O levels. ;x Oops. Hahaha. But I'll still miss the old campus. They are gonna renovate it so it won't be the same as before. ): I need a hug. A St. Nicks hug. I want all my friends, my teachers (no matter how sucky they are), my juniors, the school auntie and uncles and everyone invovled in St. Nicks. I just wanna be back for awhile more.
It's not that I didn't cherish the times I had in St. Nicks. Since Primary school, I've always told myself in random moments "I'm happy to be in the present".
Thank you to all that made the wonderful memories I had in St. Nicks. It has been a really awesome 10 years. Even though there were fights and arguements, I left St. Nicks without any enemies. I said sorry to those that I should have and all grudges were let go. We are all part of the St. Nicks family. (:
19th April, actually before that cos of Orientation, I'll be stepping into a new school. I'm excited yet scared at the same time. I've been in the same school, same environment for 10years. I have no idea how it feels like to be in the same school as a bunch of guys, no idea how I'm gonna adapt, no idea what friends I'll make.
But anyways, I miss St. Nicks. T.T... I just wanna cry and let all the emotions flow. ARGH!!
Okay. Enough. 10 years is over. Time for more exciting things ahead. I'll bring the memories along with me and move forward!! TP HERE I COME. I'm so gonna make nice memories in TP. I'm gonna join the Japanese Cultural Group and be a maid for the cafe they're planning. OH YEAH~!
HAHA. SOB SOB. HAHA. SOB SOB. OKAY I'M GOING MAD.
IJ Spirit burning bright...
雀です。
Monday, March 01, 2010 12:30 PM
钱不是万能，但没钱是万万不能。
Before poly even starts for me I'm already worrying about my university costs. IF I do really well in poly, like top 10% in my course, I might have a chance in going to a university to study Vet Science. It'll be like a dream come true. However, even if I am given this chance, frankly speaking, my parents do not have the money to send me overseas.
Theresa's mum called my mum a few days ago. She said the fees are like S$500k just for foundation year. I think it includes daily expenses and all the crap. And no, I don't think my parents have S$500k. I'm not looking down on my parents or blaming them. I'm merely stating reality.
Which is why, I have set a goal. Other than topping the class in poly, I also wish to set up a shop in these three years. It's hard, but I wanna try. Ever since I pulled myself out from the maid cafe boot camp, I wanted to be a boss of my own for some maid related thing. Mainly cos the boss was kinda fierce towards me so I wanna be a nice boss LOL. XD
Anyway, it's kinda hard to set up a maid related thing cos I haven't experienced the authentic ones in Akibahara yet. :\ I thought of 2 concepts so far but I'm not gonna write them here. If you wanna know, you can MSN me. (:
I'm trying to raise the capital for the shop by myself. I'm going to flea markets and stuff. I'm going for my first one on 13th and 14th March at Big Splash. I'm gonna see how it goes. (: If it's good, I'll bring in goods and be a regular at flea markets and bazaars and hopefully have the money to set up sth. 3 years aint very long so if I can't raise enough to set up a shop, I'll just gather the earnings from flea markets and see how I can contribute to my own education.
Oh and if you're wondering about scholarships, I can try that's no doubt. But facing reality, it's kinda hard for a poly student to have a scholarship. Plus, I don't think scholarships cover ALL your daily expenses so I still need money for that.
Being a Vet is my ultimate dream. I'm thinking of giving up cosplay (After my Nadeshiko) to save the money. Animals come before Animation. I don't want my mum to feel guilty if I am offered a chance but she don't have the means to send me over. The lecturer at TP told me that there were a couple that were offered but had to drop the offer as they didn't have the money to go over.
Well, I'm going to do whatever it takes for me to get that chance to study Vet Science. Oh and I won't let money making affect my studies. Studies is still above that.
One last thing. These 3 years ahead would be very important to me. So... if you're ever gonna do sth that will distract me (like bringing me to the arcade everyday LOL), I'll prolly kill you. (: Hahaha nah, just try not to force me out of my books too often. :D I still wanna join you guys for fun hor! Don't leave me out! XD
Yep. Ganbatte ganbatte Suzume! Go get the moolah and provide for yourself. There's a will there's a way. Don't give up! :D
Moomoomoolah.
雀です。