Monday, February 25, 2008 5:12 PM
as i listen to the soundtrack " hinata vs neji ", it makes me reflect.
some things seems so out of reach... so far away... too far away for me to reach with my two short arms. but why? why do i yearn for it so much? why do i want it do much that im willing to do anything for it? what exactly is it anyway? as i reflect, i would never want my life to be just on school, work, retire, then die.
now as the soundtrack changes to " grief and sorrow ", i feel something once again.
if my life is just so boring, i rather just end it now. like ros said, i wanna be proud of my life. i wanna do something i've always wanted... something i've yearned for so much. as i inch nearer and nearer to my goal, i get pulled back... pulled back to square one. it continues in a cycle. it's impossible to reach my goal. no matter how much i pull myself, no matter how much i endure, not matter how much i stretch out for it... i never seem to be able to touch it a single bit.
the soundtrack as now " sadness and sorrow ".
life is full of ups and downs. i've had my darkest moments. during those times, i just cried. let myself feel miserable. but now i will never. i wanna do what i want. i will never let anything pull me back now. i will... i will touch the thing i've yearned for so much. one day, i will. i know i will. no matter what. me and ros share a single dream. which is to do something we love together, to do something OUTSTANDING together. like set up a cosplay shop. just by the two of us. and we will happily run out little shop, have our world revolve with mainly just the two of us, doing what we love... our hobby. our passion.
soundtrack changed again... to " loneliness ".
being lonely is scary. its like being shut inside a room of darkness. where you cant even see your fingers. there isnt even a spark of light. all you can do is to feel your way out of the dark room to the door. open it, and you will see light. light which will lead you to carry on with your life. in my life, i wanna lead it in a way that i will never regret. this would be my life.
finally, the soundtrack is " raising fighting spirit ".
im growing stronger. each day, i learn from my mistakes... change myself and walk out of the door of my home being a greater person. a person who will one day do something outstanding in her life. this person is a girl, a girl who loves her cousin a lot and wants to spend every single moment with her, spend the rest of her life with her. im determined, that all these dreams... goals... yearnings... would one day come true to become reality. i know it will... i just know.
i love you, ros.
雀です。
Wednesday, February 20, 2008 12:18 AM
for the sake of easy reading, i shall highlight some points to avoid anymore misunderstandings.
生活随笔（1）
我很想，很想做很多事，但一直被学校和父母阻止。
首先，学校的压力和多数的课外活动，使我没有时间做我想要做的事。比如，我想cosplay。Cosplay是假扮成电影里或戏里的一个人物。只要简简单单地做一装服装就行了。但是，连这件小事我也办不成。星期一到星期五我要做功课，温习功课，星期五也有课外活动。星期六和星期天通常也有课外活动或要温习下个星期的测验。剩下的时间是用来放松自己。
但是，至少有时间，我也不能cosplay。因为我的父母一直认为我会容易地上瘾，把学业丢在一旁。他们连机会都不给，我怎么证明给他们呢？我知道，我要珍惜我所拥有的东西，而不应该不断地追求我所没有的。不过，我觉得新加坡的学校给同学们太多压力了。我们的生活不应该被学业环绕着。生命是自己的，我们都有选择的自由。我也觉得新加坡的学生们太尊重学业了。他们不敢尝试新的东西，很怕会影响学业。有的天天读书，连出去玩也不要。有时候，是家长太过严格，不让孩子们尝试新的东西。很多人都以为学业会代表以后会成为成功或不成功的人。以为学业是最重要的。但是，我总觉得学业虽然重要，但是态度是最重要的。如果一个人有优秀的成绩，但又非常坏的态度，以后到了社会谁会请他来工作呢？
虽然我的父母不肯让我尝试cosplay，但是他们肯让我去看看别人cosplay的样子，我已经瞒足了。我的要求不高，只是要有我自己选择的权利。还有，我有一件事想了很久了。我从小到大就很喜欢动物，我的梦想是当兽医。我一直都在想如果应该去理工大学学兽医的课程。我决定了，我要追求我的梦想。如果能进的话，我一定会！我一定要当兽医，来保护动物，帮他们的痛苦拿掉。
生命是我的，我要快乐，我要幸福。我要尝试很多很多东西。我要有选择的权利。不要误会，我也一定会珍惜我已经所拥有的一切，快快乐乐地走下我的人生。这就是我的想法。这就是我。
my thoughts, my life.
雀です。
Tuesday, February 12, 2008 9:52 PM
hi all, gonna post abt CNY. yea i know it's a bit late but better late than never! (:
[WARNING: LONG POST AHEAD]
Chu Xi
Had celebrations in the morning in school. the dancing part was nice. primary side's dance's music screwed up but nevertheless they still finished the dance. :D it was really cute and funny seeing the primary girls argueing whether to finish the dance or not. haha. glad they decided to finish it. (: wanted to visit sec2 teachers and primary school teachers but no one was really interested so i just went home. XD home is better la. haha. evening went to gugu's house to have reunion dinner and lou hei. really nice to have everyone together again. (: although we meet quite often, my yizhang is only present during CNY cos he's really busy in work and often go overseas. so yeah, a complete reunion! :D whees~!! had fun talking to jingkai abt naruto. ^_^ he said that in the new naruto movie Asuma died and Kurenai was pregnant with his baby. o.o'' never heard before but ah wells, we will know what really happen on the 23rd of April!! it's the date when naruto movie 4 DVD releases and uploaders can upload to let us, foreigners, watch!! WHEE!! cant wait!! :P
anyways, after we ate our first round of huo guo at gugu's hse, my family headed off to nainai's hse! :D!! girls hogged ncj's com and played some funny games. lol. those msn games i guess. XD the best part is, we had pillow fight!!! ^_^v IN THE DARK. yes, we only had glow sticks on our wrists and some light coming in through the window. so yes, went in with perfect voices, came out with sexy voices. :P hees. i think it has become a cultural or sth. last yr we had pillow fight too! the children in us will never fade away huh. XD hahaha. played card games, saw funny clips and pics... had 2nd round of huo guo. XD it was simply fun!! :D then count down~ whees. went home abt 12plus, 1plus. played game until 4am. XD hehehehehe. loving it~
Day 1
bai nian time!! this year everyone woke up late. lols. XD reach nainai's hse abt 11plus. had hong zhao ji, a must eat for fu zhou peeps during CNY. (: after eating, played some card games and soon after, had to leave to collect hong baos le. XD slacked for a long time at gugu's hse. only left at 3plus. went to 2 places this year as many has alrdy.... x.x you know what i mean. went home straight cos didi was having slight fever. ): i wanted to go to nainai's hse but ah wells... too bad! this time i slept at... i forgot. lols. not as late as 4am. XD or should i say early? lols. :P havent counted my hong bao money yet! hees! xP
Day 2
Went to jialer's hse. had huo guo AGAIN! lol! had sharks fin soup. yummy~ i only had 1 bowl tho. kinda against sharks fin. haha. and i finally see amber! she's so skinny and tiny! compared to rocky la. haha. and murfy is still the same. XD me and ros "booked" a room and played highstreet, audi and watched the new episode of naruto which just came out! ^_^ then we went to the "lan room". everyone was there with wires connected to the lan port. sadly the lan port had some probs so only some people can play. but still, it was fun!! :D i teamed up with jialer. (: the best game we played was "dodge the rapist". lol. we had to get from one end to another end without getting "raped". it was actually just some creatures. not really rapists. XD there were huge penis, thin penis and psychic penis. haha. only reached there. couldnt advance to other levels le. XD lols. funny game. played many other games till late at night. papa came to fetch us and we dropped roy off and fed rocky before heading to dagu's hse. we played some card games first and got bored so we went to the swings to play. (: ncj was tired so he went in to rest. left me, ros and didi. ^_^ we had this one word story game and we made up a super sick story with naruto characters. lol~ didi suddenly had fever again so papa fetched me, didi and ros back home first. ncj stayed with his mother. (: the adults continued to play majong. went home, had a quick shower and went to sleep. too tired le. XD
Day 3
woke up at like 3pm. ~_~ yea very late. lols. went with parents to their college gathering. the house was super nice can. so ex summore. oh yah, i had TEN fishballs for lunch. lols. summore eat more food at the gathering. sold some fiesta tickets. (: CNY is such a good time to sell fiesta tix. lols. relatives and friends all buy! ^_^ whee!! hahaha. but i forgot all abt guides walkaton. =.='' sian, nvm. after that went to a place nearby dagu's hse to lou hei with a few people only. ): but still at least have lou hei la. haha. XD then went to dagu's house again. adults play majong again while me and didi played the PS2. we played a naruto game and was addicted to it!! XD its damn nice. it's almost the same as the game didi has on his PSP but just that its much more fun! :D soon our hands were tired so we changed a game. went to play with the swing again and ate cup noodles. had some narutos inside and it almost made me giddy. lols. XDXD went home quite early like about 1plus and slept immediately after i shower. whee! such a fun day. :D
Sunday was spent like normal. woke up at 2pm and slacked for the rest of the day. lols. was emoing cos had to go to school the next day. kept taking my temperature, hoping i would get a fever and i ALMOST succeeded! my highest temp was 37.3! ahhh!!! T.T still, went to school~ lol. so yea, that was how i spent my CNY. (:
Matsuri is coming in 3wks time! so glad it's during the march hols. :D more chances of being allowed to go. hees~ anyways, here's a poster of it. credits to cosplay.sg and jrock.sg.
[click to enlarge]
CNY - pure happiness. (:
雀です。
Thursday, February 07, 2008 3:25 AM
yay! it's finally CNY! <3
love CNY like TOTALLY! ^_^ relatives gether together, have fun together... and all. haha. it's just pure fun. especially collecting ang baos! XD hahaha. im also losing my voice. i've a sexy voice now. :P cos of the pillow fight at nai nai's hse. lol~ oh yeah, 3justice won 1st for class deco! haha. we put a lot of deco lor. sry 3J, i didnt help much. but GOOD JOB!! ^_^
hahaha. im lazy to write anymore. XD so, just enjoy ur CNYs~ :D
happy mouse year!
雀です。
Tuesday, February 05, 2008 4:06 PM
today... i broke my record. ):
i failed my amath test.... for the first time in my life. sad. haha. cos i cant tell my children next time (if i even have) that i never failed maths before. XD lols~ mdm lee told me. hahaha. but i expected la. i can see she was kinda disappointed in me. sorry mdm lee! i WILL get FULL marks for my next tests! i promise!! believe in me. (:
may be going out with ros later to celebrate my first time failing a maths test. hahaha. XD and guess wad? ros failed her math test too! wad tragic fate we both have. T.T and for fiesta we are doing some ride thing i forgot. lols. it's kinda amusing. XD hahaha. oh wells, i can NEVER cosplay. it's just so sad. just because we didnt put cosplay as second choice due to time constraints. or else we MIGHT have gotten it. ~_~ gahh gahh... i dun care le. my mum dun allow me to cosplay liao. i will still make the sakura boots though. maybe i will just make bit by bit to show my mum im NOT ADDICTED. zzz. she thinks everything i do will lead to addiction. -.- when i asked her if she knows the definition of addiction she couldnt say anything. -_- lame luh. parents are all like that huh. thinking that they know everything. i hope IF i become a parent i wont be like that. study study study. wad can studying really benefit you if ur attitude sucks? man! not that i heck care abt studies, is that i just wanna have some fun!
who says i will neglect my studies and put all my time on cosplay? that's really stupid if i do. studies come before cosplay but my interest comes before studies. i hope you get what i mean. lols. XD ok, i shall play some audi now~ jyane!
watashi wa baka janai!!
雀です。
Monday, February 04, 2008 6:13 PM
pissed.
with myself. firstly, i am the A math leader. secondly, math is my fav subject. and guess what? i totally screwed up my A math test. i mean, i dun even know how to do a single question! im so gonna fail. i know myself.
after the test i wanted to spill everything to ros but she was having lessons and tears were already filling my eyes. the moment they spilled out, it couldnt stop. im so angry with myself. why didnt i concentrate better during lessons? why did i get so distracted? WHY?! maybe i should just give up the post of being the A math leader. i dunno. i will decide after CNY...
sumanai kakashi-san. ):
雀です。
Sunday, February 03, 2008 2:08 AM
im crying. at this moment of time.
i've never had such a big arguement with ros before. and i cant believe this started just becos of audi. ok so robin asked me to play audi. so okay, i said yes. i told ros cos she was chatting with me at that time. she said she will go to so yeah, the 3 of us played together. then robin told us to play together with his friends. so okay... went to another room and there were too many people. so ros went out to create another room. i didnt knw wad to do cos it was robin after all who asked me to play audi with him and i cant just leave him there. so i just thought of a stupid excuse and went out of the room to join ros. then robin told me to go back to the room. i told him i cant cos ros dosent like crowds. so robin created a new room. i asked ros if she wanted to go there but she just said " if you want to can go, i will just practice my 8k." i was like fcking confused at that time. i didnt want to ignore either of them. and if i play with ros robin will feel kinda hurt right? after all, im his audi couple. also, if i play with robin i will be like leaving ros out. (i cant say i will hurt her feelings cos i really dunno wads she's thinking already)
ARGH. i dont think there's a need to say anymore. i dun see a use anyway. i just wanna say that i dun like to see people hating each other, people concluding abt people before they even get to know them (never judge a book upon it's cover). cos this would only make themselves feel miserable. u knw, i shall not explain so much le. basically cos...
PEOPLE WHO LOVE ME WILL UNDERSTAND WITHOUT ME EXPLAINING. PEOPLE WHO HATE ME WONT BELIEVE ME ANYWAY.
i dont know who you are anymore.
雀です。