Wednesday, October 15, 2008 12:06 AM
1 word: Failure
Once again i've come to a point where im wondering what my purpose in life is. And i just have to keep reminding myself that all the things i study is for one purpose. Which is, to be a vet. To help and serve animals. That is what i think my purpose is. But am i doing it well? Am i doing my small little part well? This is only the starting, and i've already done so badly im close to screwed up.
Even as i sing those happy songs, i feel like crying. I feel like crying so badly until i go blind, unable to see the rest of the unseen world. I know i sound stupid and chilish, but i really wonder... I wonder...
I wanna protect. Yes, protect. It might be because of too much anime but i wanna protect! I wanna protect those homeless and defenceless animals. I wanna give them a chance in this cruel society. I wanna give them a glince of hope... to live. That is all i ask for. I think.
Since young, i've been one of the favourites in my family. Many of my relatives doted on me. With all the hopes that are pinned on me, i can't help but to feel slapped in the face when i got back my results. I've not studied enough. That's the only reason. I've got no other excuses. I believe with hard work, I can get what I want. But is that what im doing? Studying hard? No.
All my life i've been an average student. All i want is to pass my subjects. Even such a simple expectation is not met. How am i supposed to do well enough to go into a good JC and get into vet science? I wanna escape... I wanna escape from this cruel reality. Just for a day... Please. And i will come back as a new person.
HA. What bullshit. That's what I say every single time. But have i done it? I escape from reality and not come back till my exam results are back. Oh great. My whole future is screwed. What can i do? Like really, i need to get past this fucking obstacle, to be able to discipline myself well enough to study like crazy. I've got no more chances. "O"s are next year. No more time to lose. No more joking around. From now on, i'm the serious me. Don't come and fucking distract me.
(Jane & Jac: I still wanna audi though! :x)
My purpose, my resolve.
雀です。
Tuesday, October 14, 2008 12:12 AM
Okay, finally in the mood to updaaaaaate! (:
Well, exams were kinda screwed up. :\ Ahh, who cares! Lets just get on with what happened AFTER exams! ^_^
I'm gonna summarize everything, so yeah.
1st Day:
Went out with yongxin, audrey, wanting, jac, jessica. Hm, yeah, 6 of us~ O-kay, so we went bowling to start off the day. And guess what? After many years of not touching the bowling ball, I came in first! LOL! Cool huh? And most of my strikes were anyhow-rolled. :P
Umm, had early lunch after that. CHICKEN RICE!! Me and wanting wanted the nice nice chicken rice though. :( But ah wells, nvm! Booked tickets for movie and went into the arcade. Took neoprints TWICE cos then it would be easier to split the cost. :D It was a neoprint frenzy lah. Hoho, it was MADNESS! Anyway, there was this Team 7 neoprint which i loved the most! Hehe, cos audrey managed to trick wanting that the Team 7 was meant for our "bowling lane" but actually the true meaning behind it was because Kakashi's team was 7! Ohmygosh i love audrey! Hahaha. But sadly i didnt get that neoprint though... :( Although i "booked" it on that day but on friday when yongxin gave us the cut up neoprints it was snatched away before i can even take it. T.T But... WHATEVER! I got the mini version. :D
Yep, so we watched House Bunny after that. Hahaha, quite a nice movie. (: Was kinda reluctant at first but woosh! It came out quite good after all. ^_^ Uhh... I think that's all we did ba. Hahaha, went Raffles Town Club to play arcade~ :x
Day 2:
Wanted to go to the zoo to visit our um, "mentors"? Lol. But didnt in the end. Not everyone had the mood to. :\ So i spent the day playing Sims 2! :D Kinda fun to play for the whole day and slacking without worrying about anything. (:
Day 3:
ARCADE DAY! Mygawd, this is sure one fun day. Went with jac, jes, darice, jane, theresa. Haha! 6 people again! Went to timezone at cwp. As usual, played DDR! I simply love playing with jane, cos both of us love the thrill of hard levels! (: Oh, and there were 2 hoggers there. :\ Quite an irritating duo. One seemed like a small boy acting big, and the other seemed like a gay trying to hook on. LOL! Anyway, played usual games like car racing, the piak piak game and air hockey. (:
After arcade, theresa and jac left by then. So the rest of us went present hunting! :D Wanted to get nerice her present but i realised i had no money. -.- Thus, we bought jac's present first! Oops, i've yet to wrap it. Hehe~ Had dinner at macs! MY MCSPICY!! Gosh, i simply love it. :D Yep, so day 3 was that. (:
Day 4:
GAMES DAY~ Another fun-filled day. ^_^ After assembly realised ayu and benita pon-ed so the table tennis team was short of 1 player and 1 reserve. So o-kay, we still have another reserve --- yuanyee! But ho, she had stjohns duty. -.- Dang! Went to check out the time of our match and started running around like crazy people to find suitable players. Approached TT players jingwen and sinhong. Luckily, sinhong was willing to jump from TT to floorball! :D yayyyyy!!! Jingwen was willing too, but only 1 player was allowed so yeah. :\ So... Piak piak piak~ Climbed up the ladder slowly. (: Lost to charity cos jingwen was pulled out to be umpire! :( But guess what? WE WON ALL THE REST!!! :D SO WHOOHOO! WE GOT FIRST! Gawd, i sure love my TT team. (: Thanks to jac (for willing to run around with me), angela, aldea and MOST IMPORTANTLY... SINHONG!! Seriously, sinhong was our life-saver. Without her, we wont get a first... and without her, we wont get a second for overall! Yes, we got second for overall in the sec 3 cohort! It was so shocking i tell u. Hahaha. We only won first for TT and second for floorball! We were like "aiyah, sure wont get one". Before susan lim announced, i was even guessing either grace or faith will win second. Obviously, charity was first luh. But woo! JUSTICE!!! <3333333333 .
Day 5:
Wanted to go for a cosplay event... But was kinda sick. T_T
Day 6:
Normal day. Had chinese tuition and went to meet supplier at cwp. Oh, and i saw those 2 hoggers jumping on the DDR again. -.- they are there everyday, arent they?
Day 7:
Which is today. I mean, yesterday. Hahas. Went to SPCA for cip visit. Selena brieved us first and allowed us to pat the animals later. The saddest thing i saw was... 2 dogs were given up in a mere ONE hour. Gosh... it was really saddening. :( Anyway, wanted to buy the merchandises but I forgot to bring enough money! Going back next week since the tees for the "Say no to shark captivity" would be re-stocked as well. :D This time, i will bring lots and lots of moooooolahs!! $.$
Ah wells, tmr i would be getting back some papers. T.T Im scared!!! SOB. Guess it's time to face the music. :x
A-i-shi-te-ru!
雀です。
Thursday, October 02, 2008 5:26 PM
i'm 15. okay. my parent expect me to be mature by now.
on the internet, people always say the way i type make me sound very mature. like around 25 years old. i take that as a compliment. but no matter how mature people are, there is still a level of childishness within a person. no one is perfect.
im short-tempered. i admit that fact. shouldn't u know that by now? cheating my feelings like that. especially when im stressed up during the exam period. there is an extent to jokes okay? im working so hard just to meet your expectations and of cos, my own future.
i merely went out to post items and buy KFC for lunch. and when im angry, i dont remember much. so when u ask me why i didnt answer didi when he asked me where i was going, i said i didnt hear. i swear, according to my memory, i didnt hear anything. and you went "yeah right". oh great, what do u want me to tell u then? furthermore, u went "you dunno your sis well meh" when i was about to go out. so i assume that u "know where im going".
when i came back, u simply put all the blame on me. i've answered the questions u wanted me to answer. i said the truth. and u dun wanna believe me. fine. whats worst it that u forced me to apologise. i've already admitted my mistake that i didnt tell u guys where i was going before i left. so my father came in, scolded, and told me to apologise to my mum. then my mum came in, scolded, and told me to apologise to my father. wtf?
seriously, i dont apologise when i feel that i've done nothing wrong. u hurt my feelings and i was just angry. i dont have the rights to be angry? i alrdy know im wrong! so i angry cannot issit? then u all angry i must apologise la. ha, okay lor. whatever. im not going to. until u tell me a valid reason.
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i bet my maturity level dropped or sth. ._.'' i've been very crappy these few days. sigh. maybe it's all the stress accumulated. :( i hope i would be better after exams. i hate this feeling of crappyness. T.T jiayous, next week i will be free.
Sorry.
雀です。