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Thursday, February 25, 2010 5:45 PM

If you have no idea who shaycarl is, it's pretty obvious you haven't been to youtube in awhile.

You guys should check out his daily vlog. Having a happy life isn't that difficult. :D http://www.youtube.com/user/SHAYTARDS

Sometimes on his vlog he teaches his viewers some stuff. Like to enjoy life (going with the flow instead of against it), to be less critical (although constructive criticism is still necessary), etc.

By going with the flow, it means the flow of life. Just go along with it and enjoy it while it lasts. Instead of trying to go against it which IMO, may be like "Im NOT gonna do this and that, I HATE this and that..." Just DO it and ENJOY it. By being less critical, I think it means like instead of just saying "HEY, YOU SUCK, YOU ARE THIS AND THAT! HAHA LOSER!", say things like "Hey, you may be better if you do this and that...". Or another way is to just keep it to yourself. People dont have to know if youre just gonna critisize them.

He works for The Station. Check it out too. http://www.youtube.com/user/TheStation

And yes, they earn from youtube. How freakin cool is that? If you're not camera shy, it's probably the best way to make money. Of course, other than the haters on youtube.

OH OH. And check out the flash mob the group of them did:

Check out other peeps like KassemG, Hiimrawn, LisaNova, etc!

I love the shaytards.

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Wednesday, February 24, 2010 3:46 PM

Before I start, I would wanna thank ZR for coming all the way down to support me for the interview. :D Thank you!! If he wasn't there I think I would've been a hundred times more scared. :s Xie xie! ^_^

Anyway the interview was alright. Just that the boss was kinda fierce. She scolded me the moment I entered when it wasn't even my fault. In the end the scolded her employee. :s Scary. Everything seemed great until she told me it was a 1-year contract...

* Sigh *

Thus I've decided to withdraw from the boot camp. It's kinda sad cos I was that close in getting a chance to work in a maid cafe. I just don't think I can commit to a 1-year contract, esp if I wanna do well in poly. Therefore I decided to just go volunteer at a vet clinic. Ringo and Mikan seemed like such fun people to work with though. T.T...

Maybe I'll have another chance to work in a maid cafe, who knows? For now, studies come first. Then animals, then cosplay. Shall call up the vet today. (:

Oh oh and when I reached home yesterday, I felt like I was gonna have a fever. My temp was 37.1. :s But after a nice sleep, I woke up feeling better. :D Stupid cough, go away. Rawr!!

Nyan~

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Monday, February 22, 2010 10:22 PM

Sian, my sore throat turned into a very bad cough. I'm so glad I didn't go for Chingay or I might have had an asthmatic attack or something. T.T The cough is making me sorta breathless and wheezy. Hais.

Anyway, to Tes, another reason I didn't wanna go is that I didn't wanna cosfuck either. I ordered the contact lenses like months ago so it isn't exactly my fault it's not coming in time. :\ And 1 more thing. I admit the whole SOY incident was all my fault. It's probably the dumbest decisions I have ever made (during the incident, not about forming the group). I have regreted and honestly learnt my lesson. I also understand that it's all a misunderstanding. But well, I'm sorry to say that as much as I admit this is my fault, I do not wish to patch up. :\ I know I sound like a bitch but I think it's better off how it is now. To end off, I would officially like to apologise to everyone that was pulled down the water during the whole hoo-ha. I'm really sorry and I will try my best not to repeat history ever again. Oh and one last thing, I really hope you'll stop bringing it up cos although I wanna bring my past along while I move on, I do not wish to talk or discuss about it ever again cos well, it's over.

That's another reason why I prefer being mature. I like it and it prevents me from getting into trouble. I was being a immature brat at that time which is why now everyone hates me. Ah well...

Oh my cough is better now actually. :D Although it still irritates me it's better than a few days ago. My voice would totally become like some freakish voice. O_O'' And tomorrow I'm going for a job interview! YAY!! I ALMOST didn't make it cos I only read the mail today and the deadline is today. PLUS, they wanted a resume plus pictures so I quickly did up my resume in like 15mins. :s AND AND, hotmail was having probs. I even tried using my dad's com and my bro's com but hotmail didn't work on neither of them. So I quickly made a gmail account and sent them my resume.

At the end of the day, I'm going for an interview at 3pm tomorrow! What interview? I won't tell you! Heehee~ If I get through then I'll tell you guys. HAHA. But if you're free tomorrow at 3pm and wanna come support me, MSN me and I'll tell you where to go. ^_^

* Cough cough *

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Thursday, February 18, 2010 2:42 PM

Okay so I've decided not to go for Chingay. :\

1. I think I'm falling sick. I have a sore throat and last night my body was burning for some reason. I was so hot that it kept me awake. I had to play Pokemon on my DS till close to 4am before I felt better. I chewed a strepsil to sleep. (:

2. My contact lenses has not arrived. I don't wanna go incomplete. :\ When I start something, I make sure that I complete everything. Same goes to cosplay. I know I'll feel empty and sucky and not in the mood if I go without my lenses. ):

3. I hate how they organise things. First, they made us go all the way to the PA HQ for a 10min briefing. Wtf. When I thought that 1hr briefing was bad enough. They told us from "7pm - 8pm". I had the packing job on that day so I didn't have time to eat before I went. When I reached at 7pm, I was the only one there. I had to wait a fucking half an hour before everyone came. And they gave us print outs of powerpoint slides and told us "Actually everything you need to know is on the slides. We'll put the slides up on the forum ASAP. Any questions?" WHAT. THE. FUCK. I had to STARVE, get into a fight with my dad cos I fucking can't find the PA HQ and this is what you want me to know? That everything is on the slides that would be on the forum? Seriously people, you guys suck. Secondly, till today (1 day before Chingay), they have not put up the allocations for the ambassadors. Please people, please. Thirdly, they expect us to learn 4 dances in 1 week plus their own choreographed dance. They can't even juggle the simple basics and they wanna throw in more rubbish. Plus, when I raised my concern, they told me "Just come down for the prac first." Wtf, no way am I going to waste my time on you people.

So there. Are my reasons valid enough? They don't even have enough freebies to give us. Way to go! Now THATS the way to thank the people who are giving you free labour. Even Admazine gives me $5/hour for giving out flyers. You? Free packed lunch? I bet it's some cold and soggy veggie. Please people, please.

PLEASE.

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Tuesday, February 16, 2010 11:28 PM

CNY is probably my most loved celebration. (: Although, yes, the fun days are pretty much over but well, it's still fun. :D

I'm really grateful for CNY for 2 main reasons:
1. HONG BAO. $.$ I got a total of $652 + one more hong bao which I missed out. ;x Plus, mummy is gonna match it! :D So I get a total of $1304+ in my bank acc! Whee~!! Hahaha. I can't use the money. :\ My mum would only let me use it when "I grow up", which I never will, cos you know, we are always 'little' in the eyes of our parents. T.T But it's okay, it's better than spending all the money away. Anyway all the hongbaos I get for my birthdays are allowed to be spent but they are still in their red packets in my piggy bank. I just can't bring myself to spend them. Cos they aren't the money I earnt by myself and I feel that I shouldn't spend those money on clothes, toys, cosplay. Instead, I feel that they should be spent on stuff like my education. Well, that's what I think. (:

2. Family gathering. CNY is the chance where you see the relatives who you see only once a year (during CNY, duh). Without CNY, you prob don't even know they exist. o.o'' Plus, I love my cousins. (: They are all very fun people. Although, like I said, CNY isn't as fun as before. But just by hanging out with them, they make CNY lively. :D I gave all my cousins chocs. Me and my bro shared them (although payed by my parents. Oops.). ^_^ It was a CNY + Valentines Day choc. Hahaha.

This CNY, I applied my own make up and did my own hair. It was fun but tiring. I could only do make up 2 days straight. Cos the day goes like that:

Wake up late
Prepare for the day
Goes out
Play
Play
Play
Goes home tired and worn out

When I'm so tired, removing make up and hairspray is such a chore. But well, that's the price you have to pay for being vain. D: I'm thinking if I should go to poly with make up but that's another topic so let's discuss that another time.

For Chu Xi, I had a side half poly tail. I curled the pony tail. I didn't have a curler or straightener so what I did was when my hair was semi dry, I used a toilet roll kind of thing (it's NOT a toilet roll) and wrapped a section of my hair around it. Then I used my hair dryer to dry it and sprayed some hairspray. It worked. Although not as effective, but it was still passable. :D When I was done, I realised I had hair rollers. Phail.

For Chu 1, I did make up as usual and since I didn't wash my hair in the morning I couldn't do curls so I just tied it up into a nice pony tail. (:

The rest of the days I gave up and slacked. :P

Oh ya, I wanted to talk about my valentine dates. XD I'm so not fated to go out on 12th Feb. Hahaha.

1. I asked JP for a last minute v-day photoshoot. He suggested a short one on 12th Feb evening. I wasn't sure cos my sun burns were still peeling so my skin colour was uneven (It's okay now! Yay!!). I smsed him cos by the time I saw his msg he was offline le. My fault for MIA-ing suddenly. ;x I went to watch the Coffin. Tehe~ Anyway he only saw the msg on 12th Feb morning when he was at work already I think. So he didn't bring his cam so no photoshoot~

2. I initially wanted to ask ros to be my camerawoman in case JP couldnt make it. But when I asked her if she had half day on 12th Feb, she replied "Visit Zhang Ah Yi?" So why not? XD Ros only cfmed with me at like midnight so I didn't wanna sms Zhang ah yi in case I disturbed her sleep or sth so I asked Ros to sms her in the morning. Zhang ah yi didn't reply till about like 2pm on 12th Feb and when I msged her again she only replied at 7pm. -_- So no Zhang ah yi visiting. But we'll prob be going on Sat or Sun. (:

3. Jes msged me at like 2pm if I wanted to meet up with her and Jac. I asked her to msg me when the timing was cfmed but Jac told her she was alrdy on her way home so the thing was cancelled. :\ Poor Jac must be so tired.

In the end, I went out with my family to eat. :D See, your family is always there for you. XD!

Hahaha so yeap. That was my CNY and valentines day! Happy New Year people! Hu Nian Xing Da Yun~ Lovey Dovey~ Oh and guess what, the only person who smsed me a happy CNY and valentines day was my ex. How ironic. :\

Gong Xi Fa Cai!

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Tuesday, February 09, 2010 2:06 AM

Oh Baby I'll Wait For You...

I'm feeling nostalgic all over again. I get let go of THAT, but this is so hard to let go. If you tell yourself you've gotten over it but yet when you look at the vid again you get all nostalgic and love sick, then THAT's not getting over it.

Aww, just let me pour out my sorrows here. It's my blog, right?

Here's the ancient vid I made for him years ago:

When I asked him if he ever loved me, he said I loved maple instead of him (since it's all maple pics). Fine, I'm sorry I didn't have anything else to put. I think I've mentioned this in my blog before but that's ancient too. Argh.

Whenever you meet a guy, will you always think "THIS is it. He's the one"? That's what I thought even though we never met. Honestly I don't believe that he never liked me a single bit. If he didn't, he wouldn't have stuck with me for 1.5years and did the sweet things.

Everyday when I went online, the one I'm looking forward to is talking to him over MSN. We would talk about almost everything. Everything we're doing, gonna do and did. I remember we always ate chips and funny thing is that when I have chips, he doesn't. And when he does, I don't. Whenever we had tummyaches from eating too many chips, we would show concern to each other and advice over MSN. He was just so sweet....

I guess it's all fate right? I was the stupid one who initiated the break. It's probably one of my biggest regrets. I wonder what would have happened if I didn't initiate the break. I still remember vividly how we broke up. We were exchanging smses, I was at causeway point eating Sakae Sushi. I may even rmb which seat my family was seeting at. It was the last day of the March holidays in Secondary Two...

But anyway, about fate. He applied for NUSHS DSA too. But he didn't get in either. I think he got into the 2nd round as well. So both of us aren't fated to be in the same school. He lives in Woodlands while I live in Bishan. Come to think about it, I wonder if he saw me while I was giving out flyers at causeway point... But I don't think so. Didn't see anyone who looked like him. Plus, he doesn't recognise me anyway. He also can't be bothered to see my pictures over at facebook cos I mean nothing to him.

Hais... I remember both of us playing MSN games when maple was patching. Those good days. I have to admit, Maple was really good at that point of time. The game was not bad, but the company was the one that made things awesome. Haha, wanna know how we met?

In maple, of course. We were both at Henesys. I actually forgot this but he remembered. Is it just that his memory is good or what... Anyway my friends all had 'maple dears'. So I thought why not I get one too? Hahaha. I was looking one to suck money out from. Yes, I was so evil. He was wearing cash items at that point so I was like "YES. RICH ONE HERE. NOW CHIONG AH!!" I forgot how we started our conversation but he started 'bullying' me so I was like "I CALL MY DEAR HERE AH!" and he was like "where? where?" and I went "don't have la..."

Lol yes, damn childish. Hey, I was Primary 6 then kay. ;x Anyway we added each other and stuff. And I THINK I was the one who freakin 'proposed' to him. Lol wtf. And well, love for his money became love for him. AWW~ -_-''

Oh and I also rmb how he's so particular about ss (screenshots). We would always be in a party so he doesn't like the health bar so he would always quit the party so that it'll be perfect. I wonder what he did with those ss... He probably deleted them for more space or just threw away his hard disk. As for mine, I THINK they are in my external hard disk. Uh oh. (Which is why I don't wanna delete the vid)

I'm not even sure if it's called love. Did I see him as a lover? Or as a best friend? All I know is that I want him to be friends with me again. It's tearing me up inside now cos we used to be so close. Talking to each other day and night and now we talk every few months. And it's less than 15mins.

Oh and there was once I actually asked him (while we were still together) if he really loved me. And he said yes. I was shocked. At that time I only started to like him a little. But well, all is but a lie. He's such a liar, such a bastard, such a heartbreaker, but I still want him back. Suzume you're fucking weak.

It has been... close to 3 years since we broke up. I have many previous posts which say that I've let go but no... I haven't. Even as a friend, it's sad to see what we've become just cos we broke up. Okay I think this post is long enough. I shall go listen to the song once more and then feel miserable in my seat.

Swt

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Friday, February 05, 2010 12:16 AM

Honestly speaking, I think my maturity has dropped A TON. Like seriously. From a level of lets say, 25 year old to like a 12 year old. D: That's bad. REALLY bad. O_O''

I remember the times when I was on SGClub. I felt like my maturity reached it peak at that time. Hello, how would I get 3 bars of reputation otherwise? People in the chatroom even though I was 25 or something. =33= I dunno, issit my maturity then? I mean 25 year olds are supposed to be mature... right? :s

As for now, I feel like a 12 year old kid whose thoughts aren't heard. Which is freakin childish. GROW UP SUZUME. IF YOU CAN'T BE LIKE BEFORE, FREAKIN AT LEAST ACT LIKE YOUR OWN AGE. Gosh. Maybe I should go back to forums. At least, on the internet, people can speak their mind cos other people won't know who they really are behind the screen. In other words, I can face the 'real' world. Lol. I don't even know if that made sense.

But seriously, should I? My maturity seriously dropped since. I think it was about the time I met TH that I stopped foruming. Which is close to about a year? Nah. Maybe about half a year. On SGClub I met people like ahbengs, ahlians, lol. There were mature people too. :D There were fights in the chatroom, like cliques or something. But I managed to be someone who did not pick any fights and sat on the fence all the time. I lent listening ears to both sides of fights and stuff. I mean wow. If I can do that in the past, why am I freaking picking up fights now?! COME BACK TO ME MATURITY.

"Ignorance is a bliss." Yes it is. But well, I'm not gonna ignore anything. Really. How do I say this. Well back in the chatroom, I didn't completely ignore the fights. Argh but witnessing a fight and being in a fight is different right? Ah damn. Now I don't even know what I'm talking about. See? A sign of immaturity. D:

Hahahha. So anyway yeah, I'm gonna work on it. I'm gonna get that 25 year old maturity back. LOL. XD Honestly speaking, I loved the times when I was mature. I managed to see things out of the box. I wasn't so... narrow-headed I guess? I was able to see both sides of things to an extend (Hey I'm not perfect). Which I probably why I didn't have ANY major friendship probs from sec 3 to end of sec 4. Which is a bliss, really. Loved those times. [Though there were some rough times. Once again, nothing is perfect, mind you.]

Okay so now some updates. My ulcer is completely okay now. Yayness! :D My sunburns are peeling. But now I look so.. chocolate-skinned. :s But I guess after it peels it won't look so dark. I hope. :\

I was on MSN with JP just now. He was like begging me for a photoshoot. Lol.

Me: You wanna shoot ah?
JP: I wanna shoot you. Pan pan.

Pan pan is supposed to be gun shots. o.o'' Hahaha. But unfortunately I can't go for a photoshoot with my poor finger in this state. Sorry JP! ;x Once I heal, I promise, once I heal, I'll jio you for a photoshoot. :D We already have a theme ready! Who wants to join himeloli photoshoot? (:

Oh and if anyone wants any type of photoshoot, just tell me and I'll hook you up with JP. ;) He has his photographer fingers itchy.

I'm still debating if I should stay up tonight... Hmm...

Grow up, Suzume.

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Wednesday, February 03, 2010 1:33 PM

Seriously, Bubbi is such a dear. I agree with what she have said so much. It's like almost exactly what I'm thinking of.

1. One bad thing makes you forget all the good things.
I've realised that too. When you fight with someone, you tend to forget all the good times you have and dwell on that one bad thing. Which is stupid, no? Just cos of one thing, everything falls apart. It's hard I know. But try not to forget. I forgot, which is why that door closed on me.

2. Believing in what you are passionate about.
Yes. This is what I've been doing. Say whatever you want, but I'm continueing with what I love. Of course, not forgetting to improve and learn from mistakes. I've learnt from my mistakes (I hope) and I'm moving on, doing what I love, what I believe in.

3. No need to prove them wrong.
BUBBI I LOVE YOU. :D In my mind I've got lots of points which I wanna defend myself on. I've admitted my wrongdoings but I don't agree in everything that was pointed at me. But like what bubs said, why waste my time and energy proving these people wrong? My true friends would believe in me. They know who I really am and I'm grateful for that. As for my other friends, sure they can judge me all they want. They are human afterall, judging me is only natural. But hey, whether they believe in what I really am, it's their decision. I can live with it.

4. Let go of sadness and anger.
During the incident, I have to admit, it DID affect me. I msged zr to ask him how his friend can actually stay happy all the time. I realised it's all about letting go. Again, it's hard. But once you let go, you realise how happy your life can be. Like seriously, what good will it bring to you if you keep holding on to that hatred? I've let go. Because what's in the past is in the past. Nothing can be changed. I have to be honest here ya. If you're thinking "If you've let go, why are you still not trying to be friends again?" Well, I have the rights to choose my friends. If I think that a particular friend is someone I don't wanna lose, I'll try my best to patch it up. Examples are yuying and charlene. I fought with yuying in sec 2. I apologised and I forgot how it happened but now we are like friends that TOTALLY forgot what happened. As for charlene, I fought with her in sec 2 too (oh yes I'm sucha bitch). I apologised to her every year. During reflection day, Guides own, etc. And she forgave me. Although our friendship didn't exactly returned to what it was, most importantly, both of us have let go.

5. Nothing is more important than health.
While I was struggling to get out of the emotional barrier from the incident, I realised hey, I have my family and friends. Why am I so affected? Or more like why am I allowing myself to be so affected? Funny thing is, soon after the incident (okay 2 wks later) I got a nasty ulcer, nasty sunburns and a really nasty cut. It made me realise that wow, I'm healthy and well. That's what is most important. Things that make me upset? They are insignificant in my life. Cos, will that make me alive? Will that make me live the way I want? No. Without health, I won't be able to chase my dreams and be with my family and friends. People, cherish your good health and the people you love. Life is short, don't waste it on hating. It's a fucking waste of time.

6. Being strong is about letting go, not holding on.
As said.

7. Regreting.
Yes, I've regreted not doing things differently. But it's all in the past now. I'm letting go, are you?

8. Not hating enemies.
I hate hating. Hating is worst than a deep cut. Hating hurts. Which is why I don't hate that person. To me, that person is someone that entered and has left my life. No point dwelling on it, right? That person is now like a stranger to me.

"Start appreciating, start loving and start Living." - Bubbi

Thank you Bubbi. (: You just double comfirmed plus chop that what I'm doing is for the good of me. Arigatou. :D

Let go.

雀です。

Monday, February 01, 2010 1:47 PM

I'm pain almost all over. x.x''

Note: The following is not for the faint hearted.

Last night, I was so happy that we were gonna have spaghetti for dinner. :D I was thinking that if we had campbell soup with it, it'll be so perfect. ^^ So yeah, I took a can out and was kinda sad that it wasn't a creamy soup. But it was the only can left so i decided to make do with it.

I opened it with all my might. Then, when it jerked open, I went, "OW OW OW!! MUMMY MUMMY!!!" Fresh maroon coloured blood started spurting out of my middle finger and onto the kitchen counter. It was a matter of seconds before a puddle of the size of a hand of blood flowed on the kitchen counter.

I stood there, stunned and amused by the amount of blood coming out. My mum started running around looking for something I can use the press the wound. My dad joined in soon after and then my bro. It was kinda hilarious so I laughed a bit despite my condition. XD

The blood kept spurting out like some fountain so my mum asked me to use my own hands to press the wound first. My bro found the sterile gauze so I used it to press the wound. After awhile I started feeling kinda giddy so I sat down. It felt like the kind where I didn't have enough blood lol. ;x

The wound was deep (duh, so much blood lost) so we decided to see a doctor. The doctor sewed 2 stitches for me (wtf I hate stitches) and before we left we had a funny conversation with him.

Mum: So we come back 1 wk later to remove the stitches? Any doctor will do right?
Doc: Yes, any doctor. Or you can do it yourself.
Mum: O_O... Just cut off the two ends? (If you ever had a stitch before you should know that cutting the 2 ends wouldnt remove a single thing)
Doc: I think you better come back.

XDD So yep. It's still hurting up till now. D: And I'm not sure if it's the anastesia or not enough blood is flowing to my finger cos the tip of my middle finger feels kinda numb until now. :s

Hahaha. When you think that nasty sunburns and a nasty ulcer is the worst you can get... You get a nasty cut. Plus, it just has to be on my right hand. Now I can't do almost everything. Showering, typing, using the mouse, brushing my teeth, using the damn toilet, eating, etc, is all a chore now. x.x Now I'm typing with one hand + 1 finger. Lol.

I'm just hoping I have no more cuts or injuries anymore. I wanna enjoy my CNY! I'm damn happy that everything SHOULD be able to heal by CNY. (: Whee!

Ouch.

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