Monday, February 25, 2008 5:12 PM
as i listen to the soundtrack " hinata vs neji ", it makes me reflect.
some things seems so out of reach... so far away... too far away for me to reach with my two short arms. but why? why do i yearn for it so much? why do i want it do much that im willing to do anything for it? what exactly is it anyway? as i reflect, i would never want my life to be just on school, work, retire, then die.
now as the soundtrack changes to " grief and sorrow ", i feel something once again.
if my life is just so boring, i rather just end it now. like ros said, i wanna be proud of my life. i wanna do something i've always wanted... something i've yearned for so much. as i inch nearer and nearer to my goal, i get pulled back... pulled back to square one. it continues in a cycle. it's impossible to reach my goal. no matter how much i pull myself, no matter how much i endure, not matter how much i stretch out for it... i never seem to be able to touch it a single bit.
the soundtrack as now " sadness and sorrow ".
life is full of ups and downs. i've had my darkest moments. during those times, i just cried. let myself feel miserable. but now i will never. i wanna do what i want. i will never let anything pull me back now. i will... i will touch the thing i've yearned for so much. one day, i will. i know i will. no matter what. me and ros share a single dream. which is to do something we love together, to do something OUTSTANDING together. like set up a cosplay shop. just by the two of us. and we will happily run out little shop, have our world revolve with mainly just the two of us, doing what we love... our hobby. our passion.
soundtrack changed again... to " loneliness ".
being lonely is scary. its like being shut inside a room of darkness. where you cant even see your fingers. there isnt even a spark of light. all you can do is to feel your way out of the dark room to the door. open it, and you will see light. light which will lead you to carry on with your life. in my life, i wanna lead it in a way that i will never regret. this would be my life.
finally, the soundtrack is " raising fighting spirit ".
im growing stronger. each day, i learn from my mistakes... change myself and walk out of the door of my home being a greater person. a person who will one day do something outstanding in her life. this person is a girl, a girl who loves her cousin a lot and wants to spend every single moment with her, spend the rest of her life with her. im determined, that all these dreams... goals... yearnings... would one day come true to become reality. i know it will... i just know.
i love you, ros.
雀です。