Monday, December 26, 2011 8:19 PM
I've always believed that things happen for a reason.
I've been wondering why things turned out this way for me in CSC... Over these past 7mths, I've been through phases of giving up and motivation to go on. It has been an emotional rollercoaster. This month, I think I've found the reason.
I got selected as a Meido Ambassador for EOY and after the event, there has been some plans going on behind the scenes for further growth for us. It's exciting and it's like getting a super flexible part-time job.
I've also joined a Jpop dance group. It is just made up of girls who love dancing, no biggie. But it's my passion and that's what matters.
I now question myself if I should even bother considering re-running for next year in CSC. With so many exciting things going on around me, I ask myself why I should make myself stay in a group I'm so uncomfortable with. I once said that my reason for staying in CSC is to inspire people...
But then again, I don't HAVE to be in CSC maincomm to be able to inspire right? So why torture myself?
The decision is becoming clearer as each day pass... But I guess I will only make my final decision when the AY is over. If I leave, I'll definitely miss being part of CSC. It has been a meaningful and amazing journey. I do worry about CSC's future, since it's dynamics has changed so much. It may change for the better or the worst, no one is sure. But change is definite. Among all the uncertainty, what I know best is that I no longer belong in CSC. I'm unable to blend in and I always feel so out of place. :\
Even if i choose to leave CSC, I will still continue this passion of mine in another way. I will still contribute in the society and I no longer have to "do things for the sake of doing it". When you're in a club, sometimes you have to do things even when it's against your own principles... Well okay not really cos I just ponned the tree decorating thingy. LOL. I'm sorry but I really don't see how decorating a damn tree will help the environment. Furthermore, printing quotes on PAPERS to decorate it. Contradicting much?
Okay enough ranting. Hope you had a happy christmas.
雀です。